Friendships add so much spark to our lives—helping us find humor and possibility in spells of misfortune, and cheering us on in stretches of celebration and transition. We swap stories over meals, and fill moments in time with laughter and like-mindedness—adding to the family we may or may not have. So what happens when you find yourself attracted to one of your confidantes. Will having sex with your friend ruin the relationship you built? Some might say that casual lovemaking with someone familiar provides a safe sexual outlet, while granting both parties the ability to live freely and unattached. We linked up with a few experts to disassemble the myriad of risks that lurk behind the smokescreen of the elusive friends with benefits dynamic, as well as some friendly rules to play by. But be warned: your no-strings-attached agreement may create more baggage than you think…. Because the lines can so easily get blurred, and this invites the possibility of two individuals seeing the same situation in a staunchly different light.
So how do I tell my friend I'm interested in them?
The dilemma Four years ago, I made a new friend. We quickly became close and did everything together. Last year we slept together a couple of times while quite intoxicated. My friend wanted more , although we never talked about it clearly in those terms. I used to think that when I found the right person it would happen. Mariella replies In your admirable bout of self-interrogation, you have stumbled on one of the tough truths about relationships: most of them are defined by patterns of behaviour and choices we are not even conscious of making. Solving that bit of the puzzle will be a good warm-up for our further probing. One of the most valued elements of any friendship has to be communication, the pleasure derived from being with someone who intuitively understands us and enjoys our company. Sex muddies the water and causes people to behave in all manner of dysfunctional ways, but when it comes to a pal, not talking is really not an option. You stopped communicating precisely because you failed to unravel the emotional tangle your physical activities created.
You might need a spider diagram
Best friends are hard to come by. These are people in your life who you've grown to trust, value, and love, likely for years. But what happens when that last L-word, love, turns into another: lust? Is having sex with your best friend actually a good idea? Compared to people who meet as strangers, Cocharo says couples who start as friends—especially best friends—have a much better foundation.
Sex with someone you care about, without all the responsibility or emotional drama that can come with a more serious relationship — sounds ideal really, doesn't it? While it's obvious that one of the benefits is well, duh, more sex, there are some other potential ups and downs you might want to consider. Once you're in FWB mode, you don't need to worry about coming across as too keen or worrying about whether you ought to call them or wait for them to call you. A FWB situation puts your precious friendship at risk. Even when we have no intention of letting it get messy, sex has a tendency to muddle your feelings, says Kerner. It's partly physiological as hormones are released during sex that make you bond with them and them with you on an emotional level; it's partly psychological because we're programmed by society, movies, etc to connect sex with love. That puts you in a position where you're far more likely to get emotionally involved, even when you don't plan to You don't need to meet their family and you don't even need to call them if you don't want to. There are times in your life when a relationship isn't what you want - perhaps you want to focus on your career, or you know you're moving to another city, or you just want to be single, says Kerner. At these times, being able to enjoy sex with someone you know and are comfortable with without strings can seem like an ideal solution.